What Makes The Reality Formula for Kids™ Special?

The Reality Formula For Kids™ is indeed unique among the many models currently available concerning conflict resolution and bullying solutions for kids. But what exactly makes it so much more effective than what’s out there already?

To those who have experienced The Reality Formula for Kids™ at home or in their classroom, the difference is obvious. They have experienced first-hand the simple, yet highly effective process that involves teaching children how to resolve issues on their own and how to address situations that used to stymy them.

Others notice the difference in children who are exposed to this process, in the way they interact respectfully with the world and are eager to explore and learn about it. Happy kids are obvious by their self-confidence, and their ability to express themselves. Often our parents are asked, “How do you get your kids to cooperate so well? “Tell me your secret!” We have found that this approach works well with kids from the age of 4+. The Reality Formula for Kids™ works with kids who have special needs such as Asperger’s, ADD, ADHD, etc… and  with children who have been diagnosed with defiant behavior issues, or who are dealing with difficult home situations of divorce, grief, depression, addiction, etc.

We have discovered a set of steps, based on ancient principles of Truth, i.e. Reality, that is mind-changing, and life transforming for kids who believe the confused assumptions they took on early in life and never questioned, and, that now rules their feelings and reactions towards life. It teaches them how to befriend Reality and work with it, thus creating healthy, happy kids, rather than kids who are in constant resistance to life around them. We have successfully shared these steps with parents, educators, and professional healthcare providers of all kinds for several years and proven its success in real life families, classrooms, and in extremely challenging situations, with young adults who have had to face life and death health issues. The Reality Formula for Kids™ WORKS every time it is used.

Here are the basic concepts introduced by The Reality Formula for Kids™we call them …

The Seven Steps to a Happy Kid©

1. Observe your thoughts. It is your thoughts that determine your feelings not what’s happening around you.

2. Practice accepting Real­ity. Reality is simply “what is.” Resisting or trying to con­trol it does not work, but we can choose how we will think about it.

3. Choose to befriend Reality. Look for how it serves you even when its not the way we want it to be. 

4. Choose hap­pier thoughts to replace the old, familiar, unhappy ones.

5. Be kind. When you are unkind to yourself or to them, you feel bad, and they do too.

6. Own your part In every encounter. When we learn from our mis­takes we  grow.

7. Be respect­ful. Stay in your own business, and out of the business of others..


We begin to see a major difference between The Reality Formula for Kids™ and other approaches to conflict resolution in the first Step listed above. The Reality Formula for Kids™ emphasizes the way kids think as being the true cause of their unhappiness! Rather than blame outside circumstances, the key to happiness is placed in the hands of the child him/her-self. Rather than what others say or do, or the external circumstances in which they may find themselves, this first step takes the focus off that which they cannot control (external events), and gives each child the ability to achieve peace of mind regardless of what else may be going on in their life.

The Reality Formula for Kids™ is a blame-free approach. Children from ages 4 and up are taught how to take responsibility for their own thinking and the reactions that come from that thinking. Instead of finger-pointing in blame, the focus is put on helping kids to discover and explore ways to move themselves towards happiness.

When we remove blame, shame goes out with it. Often we have witnessed children who bully others, step forward, without fear of shame, and take responsibility for their behavior. They own it openly … why? Because there is no punitive attitude, no shaming them or calling them bad kids. Of course, there ARE consequences that result from the choices they made. That’s Reality. But consequences are not punitive, but aimed instead to correct and teach kids healthier options for better outcomes.

The Reality Formula for Kids™ teaches that there are NO bad kids – only unhappy ones, who act in painful ways, because they believe the unhappy thoughts they think. Learning that it is what they think, not who they are that determines their reactions, helps children stop seeing themselves and others as being bad. The Unhappy Kid Triangle, one of the primary tools of the Reality Formula for Kids™, demonstrates visually that kids, once on the Unhappy Kid Triangle, will automatically move all the way around it. The triangle shows those who bully how they too must, sooner or later, end up as vicitms, often getting bullied back! Even those who are the helpless victim in a situation, takes a turn as a bully somewhere along the line – perhaps by trying to get the bully into trouble in their effort to protect themselves, not realizing that in doing so, they invite more bullying. Those who intervene in an attempt to rescue the victim from the bully, most often do so by bullying the bully to protect the victim, only to find themselves feeling victimized themselves. This is the Unhappy Kid Triangle (known as the Victim Triangle in adult vocabulary) at work. It’s a perpetual and vicious cycle that plays out in our families, in our classrooms, and in every room, everywhere, all the time. And most of us have no clue that there is any other way to interact! No wonder we are often so unhappy! We are living our lives on that painful triangle – and our children are on it with us.


The Reality Formula™ uses Reality as a primary reinforcer for winning the cooperation of kids. Reality is just the way life is …  and we teach children how to recognize it as a helpful guide, rather than as the enemy. After all, everyone is happier when they accept Reality, right? YES! Simply because we can never fight Reality and win. We will come away bruised and embittered every time we try to defeat it.

The Reality Formula for Kids™ brings children into a state of willing acceptance of the way things are. In essence, children learn how to make peace with Reality by learning how to work with it, instead of constantly fighting against it. Care-givers learn how to set boundaries with kids that are based on Reality, and so provide the perimeters needed for a safe, harmonious environment.

Through The Reality Formula for Kids™, kids learn that we all sometimes play the bully role, and that doesn’t make us bad – simply someone who is thinking unhappy thoughts that drive unhappy feelings and resort in hurtful behavior. They also come to see that the victim can also bully … And those who try to rescue run the risk of looking like nosy, bossy helpers, that invites bully behavior aimed at them!  It is the upward facing triangle The good news is that there ARE happier roles possible – there is a higher version of the Unhappy Kid Triangle, that once we access the principles of Reality, we can adjust our way of thinking to a higher version and find peace. The Reality Formula for Kids™ teaches children about the three roles they play when they are unhappy, and shows them how to choose one of the three higher roles that return us to happiness.The Reality Formula for Kids™ gives them the choice – but it does not take away the consequences of that choice. Most usually, simply because kids really DO want to be happy, they will naturally choose the higher triangle to happiness found through the door of Reality. Rather than trying to force children to cooperate through bribery, praise, or punishment, The Reality Formula for Kids™ educates children about how the mind works, and lets them experiment with what their thinking produces (within certain perimeters, of course) and teaches them how to question the thoughts that bring unhappiness. What better way to learn about self-responsibility than to face the harvest of one’s own belieffs? As for us adults, there is no better way to learn how to apply the model to ourselves than to teach it to kids!

The Happy Kid Toolkit is now available for pre-order –  GET YOURS TODAY!