Frequently Asked Questions
Q: What is The Happy Kid Tool Kit™?
A: "The Happy Kid Tool Kit™ originated out of our team desire to offer to our own children the basic guiding principles of Reality that had so changed our own lives..." Continue Reading
Q: What is The Happy Kid Tool Kit™?
A: The Happy Kid Tool Kit™ originated out of our team desire to offer to our own children the basic guiding principles of Reality that had so changed our own lives. Our Happy Kid Mat™ is a primary tool used to teach the Happy Kid Tool Kit™. The Happy Kid Mat™ is the printed and expanded version (printed on a floor mat) of a diagram originally done by Dr Stephen Karpman, phd. called the Karpman Drama Triangle, that has been a core part of the work Lynne has offered in various formats for years, with powerful and transforming results.
The Drama Triangle, (we call it the Unhappy Kid Triangle™) depicts the three roles of victim consciousness (a state of mind that prompts us to feel at the mercy of something outside us — or, prompts us to rescue someone else who we perceive as needy, mistreated, or unable …) and helps us locate where we are, and where our children are, on the triangle at a given time. Since ALL dysfunction takes place on the Unhappy Kid Triangle™ Once we locate the source of our misery, (being on the triangle) we share tools for stepping beyond the Unhappy Kid Triangle™ into one of the three Happy Kid roles instead. It’s a model that is highly visual and kinesthetic for greater learning appeal for children ages four and up.
Once the principles of the Happy Kid Mat™ are learned, children automatically move towards becoming self-diagnostic and self-regulating. The Happy Kid Tool Kit™ promotes self-responsibility and age-appropriate independence among children, so that children can learn healthier options and make more mature choices that move them off the Unhappy Kid Triangle™ to the more preferred, Happy Kid role. Their relations with other children improves whether supervision is immediately available or not. They no longer require constant external supervision to insure that they are acting responsibly. They WANT to be responsible simply because it FEELS BETTER!
So it’s a model that is easy for child-care professionals to learn and to use with children who have all sorts of issues. The Happy Kid Tool Kit™ is relevant in every situation, and can be used both as an educational tool, and as a tool for crisis management.
Q: What is the difference between other styles of therapy for children and the Happy Kid Tool Kit™? Are they similar?
A: "The Happy Kid Tool Kit™ is an educational model designed to teach all children, regardless of their background, behavioral difficulties, or diagnosis, simple, highly effective tools to help them make healthier choices and become self-responsible, honest, courageous, and all round happier kids..." Continue Reading
Q: What is the difference between other styles of therapy for children and the Happy Kid Tool Kit™? Are they similar?
The Happy Kid Tool Kit™ is an educational model designed to teach all children, regardless of their background, behavioral difficulties, or diagnosis, simple, highly effective tools to help them make healthier choices and become self-responsible, honest, courageous, and all round happier kids.
Children’s therapy is specifically focused on diagnosis and treatment for specific conditions, such as emotional trauma, ADHD, autism, etc., or various kinds of illness, handicaps or physical abnormalities, including mental illness, emotional trauma, and/or personality disorders, often with the use of behavior modification techniques, or prescription medication. The Happy Kid Tool Kit™ is based on simple guiding-principles that apply to all life. These guiding principles are the underlying premise of Reality, and when applied, further the life and the quality of life for the And because the principles are simple and true, children “get it” faster, and are quick to apply them immediately for much improved communication.
The Happy Kid Tool Kit™ is a format that was created with every person, every child, in mind. It was designed to share basic truths with children to help them feel better about themselves, and about life by befriending Reality. Basic life tools for attaining a happier life are something that every human being can benefit from.
Q: What kind of effect have you seen the Happy Kid Tool Kit™ have on the students and parents you work with? What kinds of positive results have you seen through your work?
"The Happy Kid Tool Kit™ shares building blocks for kids for developing positive self esteem, self reliance, coöperation with others, and harmony with life..." Continue Reading
Q: What kind of effect have you seen the Happy Kid Tool Kit™ have on the students and parents you work with? What kinds of positive results have you seen through your work?
The Happy Kid Tool Kit™ shares building blocks for kids for developing positive self esteem, self reliance, coöperation with others, and harmony with life. By taking the shame factor out of being on the Unhappy Kid Triangle™, a child gains permission to openly confess and own their shortcomings and less-than-desirable behavior on their way to becoming a Happy Kid™, i.e., one who understands themselves better.
The Happy Kid Tool Kit™, once learned, allows a child to be self-diagnostic, and helps promote self-responsibility, and age-appropriate independence. Conscious Kids are better able to choose more mature responses that will move them off the Unhappy Kid Triangle™ and into the healthier roles that go with being a Happy Kid™ on the Happy Kid Mat™. Their relations with other children begins to improve even when supervision is not immediately available. They stop needing so much external supervision to insure that they are acting responsibly, and become more self-regulating instead.
Children move away from the need to blame other people and situations for their unhappiness, nor do they feel the need to blame themselves. Without the need to blame, situations become opportunities for growth instead. Children learn to focus on what a given situation offers them and they learn ways to use whatever happens in their life as a way to gain deeper awareness, and broader self acceptance, as well as empathy and acceptance for others. There is greater harmony all around as a result. These are some of the benefits I witness regularly in the children, and families I work with.
Q: How old does my child need to be to really benefit from the Happy Kid Tool Kit™? How about older kids, or adults? Do they benefit from this too?
A: "We find that children as young as the age of four can understand the basics of the Happy Kid Tool Kit™, and begin to apply the principles taught in the Tool Kit to their situations at home..." Continue Reading
Q: How old does my child need to be to really benefit from the Happy Kid Tool Kit™? How about older kids, or adults? Do they benefit from this too?
A: We find that children as young as the age of four can understand the basics of the Happy Kid Tool Kit™, and begin to apply the principles taught in the Tool Kit to their situations at home. So, even young children can, and do, get this model.
On the other hand, I’ve been introducing these basic principles of Reality to people of all ages for years, with much success, so I don’t think it’s ever too late to introduce the Happy Kid Tool Kit™. Anyone with the reasoning capability of a child can achieve peace and happiness through these simple principles.
We’ve found that teenagers, for instance, and young adults, also resonate with the lessons taught in the Happy Kid Tool Kit™. The more anyone, whatever age or maturity level, works with the principles presented through the Happy Kid Tool Kit™, the better they get at applying them to their own life dilemmas and complex relationship issues. These simple, but true, principles of life, when applied, always bring self-awareness and clarity to any, and all, of our life situations.
Our general rule to determine the appropriate age for benefitting from the Happy Kid Tool Kit™ is this: if someone can understand basic concepts of life, (like for instance, “when we hurt others, we end up getting hurt too …” then that person can learn to apply this model. The younger the better, because there is a variance of success with people as we get older.
We find that the more entrenched someone is in old, dysfunctional patterns of belief, the longer it seems to take for them to apply and benefit from the tools offered. But the simple answer is that kids of all ages relate well to this material.
We’re all in this together, and there’s much to learn from the journey for both kids and adults — so climb aboard the Happy train, everybody, young and old alike. It’s time for real peace.
Q: How critical is it to introduce there principles during our children’s formative years? Why?
A: "I personally believe that the sooner a child (ages four and up) is introduced to these basic principles of life, the more successful their relationship with themselves, with their parents and siblings, and with the world, will be..." Continue Reading
Q: How critical is it to introduce there principles during our children’s formative years? Why?
A: I personally believe that the sooner a child (ages four and up) is introduced to these basic principles of life, the more successful their relationship with themselves, with their parents and siblings, and with the world, will be. The Happy Kid Tool Kit™ shares tools and principles that guarantee a happier, saner, experience of life for our precious children, and for ourselves. Why wait?
Of course, we want to introduce these basic life principles to children in a simple language that they can understand, using clear examples that they can easily relate to. One of the reasons the Happy Kid Mat™, which comes with the Happy Kid Tool KitTM is so effective is because it is so easy to comprehend. The mat is designed to make it easily understandable for children, through its bright, bold use of color, and sturdy design that allows it to be a kinesthetic, as well as visual, tool.
Children can actually stand on the Happy Kid Mat™ in the role they are describing themselves in at that moment, and physically move around the mat, to follow their own progression around the mat, from unhappy role to unhappy role, until they finally figure out their way off the Unhappy Kid Triangle™ and into the diamond point role of Happy Kid™.
We have found that most children are cognitively capable of comprehending the basic life principles presented in the Happy Kid Tool Kit™ by the time they are four years old. This model presents a simple way of seeing the world that children are quickly capable of demonstrating to the adults around them. We’ve had more than a few parents call us wanting to learn more about the Reality Formula for Kids™ simply from watching their own children model it at home in productive and beautiful ways.
Q: How critical is it to introduce these principles during our children’s formative years? Why?
A: "I personally believe that the sooner a child (ages four and up) is introduced to these basic principles of life, the more successful their relationship with themselves, with their parents and siblings, and with the world, will be..." Continue Reading
Q: How critical is it to introduce there principles during our children’s formative years? Why?
A: I personally believe that the sooner a child (ages four and up) is introduced to these basic principles of life, the more successful their relationship with themselves, with their parents and siblings, and with the world, will be. The Happy Kid Tool Kit™ shares tools and principles that guarantee a happier, saner, experience of life for our precious children, and for ourselves. Why wait?
Of course, we want to introduce these basic life principles to children in a simple language that they can understand, using clear examples that they can easily relate to. One of the reasons the Happy Kid Mat™, which comes with the Happy Kid Tool KitTM is so effective is because it is so easy to comprehend. The mat is designed to make it easily understandable for children, through its bright, bold use of color, and sturdy design that allows it to be a kinesthetic, as well as visual, tool.
Children can actually stand on the Happy Kid Mat™ in the role they are describing themselves in at that moment, and physically move around the mat, to follow their own progression around the mat, from unhappy role to unhappy role, until they finally figure out their way off the Unhappy Kid Triangle™ and into the diamond point role of Happy Kid™.
We have found that most children are cognitively capable of comprehending the basic life principles presented in the Happy Kid Tool Kit™ by the time they are four years old. This model presents a simple way of seeing the world that children are quickly capable of demonstrating to the adults around them. We’ve had more than a few parents call us wanting to learn more about the Reality Formula for Kids™ simply from watching their own children model it at home in productive and beautiful ways.
Q: Who do you recommend should take advantage of The Happy Kid Project™ and Happy Kid™ training?
A: "Anybody who is interested in experiencing more coöperation and self-responsibility from kids will benefit tremendously from The Happy Kid Tool Kit™..." Continue Reading
Q: Who do you recommend should take advantage of The Happy Kid Project™ and Happy Kid™ training?
Anybody who is interested in experiencing more coöperation and self-responsibility from kids will benefit tremendously from The Happy Kid Tool Kit™.
The Happy Kid Tool Kit™ process can be adapted to all types of settings, from home to private lessons, to classroom. Being grounded in basic principles of life that teach us about how the human mind works, we have yet to find refutal from those we introduce these principles to, regardless of the setting we are in.
The Happy Kid Tool Kit™ holds all the basic ingredients for transforming confusion to understanding, negative interaction to harmony, and abusive relating to caring interaction with whatever young population a professional is working with. Children relate easily to the Happy Kid Tool Kit™ because it’s cognitive approach is demonstrated by visual and kinesthetic cues, and based on real life interaction from the children’s own life experience.
The Happy Kid Tool Kit™ works from the basic understanding that all dysfunction takes place on the Unhappy Kid Triangle™, and since dysfunction happens often and everywhere, these principles are relevant and applicable everywhere we go.
Principles based on Reality are always true, across the board, whether they are applied to the world of academia, in educational systems (to help deal with bullies and to foster healthy self-esteem in children), in rehabilitation centers (for adolescents and adults), or as employee management/human resource training, or to graduate studies, workshops or churches; whether the Happy Kid Tool Kit™ is used to resolve issues for victims of emotional or physical abuse, or for those who abuse others, it does not matter what the painful situation is, the principles that the Happy Kid Tool Kit™ are based on are so obvious and effective, that anyone can choose to immediately apply and benefit from them.
That having been said, The Happy Kid Tool Kit™ is the model we developed specifically to teach the principles of Reality to children, from preschool and elementary age, all the way through the middle school and up through high school.
It is a program that is designed to present the guidance counselor, teacher, parent, or other childcare provider, viable, effective tools for helping children recognize and get off of the Unhappy Kid Triangle™, whether they are in the role of a Blaming Bully™, a Helpless Baby™, or as a Bossy Helper™. The Happy Kid Tool Kit™ is more than a simple set of tools, it is an improved lifestyle, a happier way of living life on every level. This process is for anyone who wants to see dramatic improvement in their primary relationships with children.
Q: Would this program be helpful for my strong-willed child?
A: "This model is especially designed for strong willed children..." Continue Reading
Q: Would this program be helpful for my strong-willed child?
A: This model is especially designed for strong willed children! We love introducing the Happy Kid Tool Kit™ to children who show strong wills, because we have found them to have great leadership potential. The Happy Kid Tool Kit™ gives them a positive way to direct their fiery energy so that they, and those around them too, are well-served.
Respect for oneself and others is a big part of applying the Reality Formula for Kids™. Children learn how to respect boundaries, and at the same time they learn to exert their own creative ideas in ways that further the good of the whole. They come to understand that there are always consequences for choices made, both positive as well as negative consequences happen as the result of the choices we make. Children come to see where a particular choice will take them and so choose accordingly.
Q: Does the Happy Kid Tool Kit™ have an approach that works to stop bullying?
A: "Yes, originally, the Happy Kid Tool Kit™ was designed to address the widespread bully epidemic that has taken over our classrooms, homes, and internet..." Continue Reading
Q: Does the Happy Kid Tool Kit™ have an approach that works to stop bullying?
A: Yes, originally, the Happy Kid Tool Kit™ was designed to address the widespread bully epidemic that has taken over our classrooms, homes, and internet. One of the first major differences in our approach with bullies and the model that is presently being used to address these issues is that we don’t judge kids as being good or bad. We don’t think punishing or ostracizing bullies helps, (although, of course, there are consequences for inappropriate behavior), and we are careful not to reinforce learned helplessness in those who are often bullied (we teach children who are prone to being bullied how to take care of themselves better).
The Happy Kid Tool Kit™ describes kids on the triangle who act defensively or reactively to situations they don’t know how else to handle. We teach our kids principles to use in difficult situations that help them move from being an unhappy kid to being a happy kid.
On the Happy Kid Mat™, children learn that there are no happy kids on the Unhappy Kid Triangle™. They see quickly how, once they get on the triangle, they are resigned to playing not only their own unhappy role, but the other two unhappy roles as well. (Once a person is on the triangle they move around it over and again, until, or unless, they make a happier choice that will move them off of the mat.) This means that even the child who is being bullied (the Helpless Baby™) turns into a Blaming Bully™ sometime or other … and even bullies take a turn at being the Helpless Baby™ on occasion.
The Happy Kid Mat™ takes the shame out of being in whatever role the child is playing on the Unhappy Kid Triangle™ at the time, and helps the child explore happier options that will move them into the Happy Kid™, for instance, by assuming responsibility for themselves, or getting out of the other kids’ business, etc. The results are amazing. As a rule, children, like all people, simply want to feel better. Once we show them how to get there, they go for it!
Q: Describe a typical session with a group of students involved in a Bullying situation.
A: "My name is Danielle Alvarez, Educational Director for the Reality Formula™ and co-founder of The Happy Kid Tool Kit™..." Continue Reading
Q: Describe a typical session with a group of students involved in a Bullying situation.
A: My name is Danielle Alvarez, Educational Director for the Reality Formula™ and co-founder of The Happy Kid Tool Kit™. I am blessed to work with children daily. I work privately with children and families in an office or home setting. I also work with a group of children at school during my Bright Kids Yoga™ classes. I have plenty of opportunities to use the Happy Kid™ model to assist kids in recognizing the unhappy role they might be playing. I use the mat for conflict resolution as well. Here is an example of a dysfunctional situation that took place during one of my classes:
As our class was transitioning from one activity to the next, I noticed a conflict between two of my students. One student (let’s call her Sally) was sitting on her mat, with her head hanging down. Sally did not look happy. Sally was clearly playing the role of Helpless Baby™. The other student (let’s call her Brittany) was standing on Sally’s mat, jumping around, getting in Sally’s face and basically being annoying. Brittany was not respecting her friends space, nor was she respecting herself. Brittany was clearly playing the role of Blaming Bully™. I can see that Sally is whining and asking Brittany to stop — the tone of her voice said otherwise. Brittany did not stop. In fact, the more Sally whined and acted helpless, the more annoying Brittany became. At this point Sally began to get the attention of another student (let’s call her Alice). Alice came to Sally’s rescue by jumping in the middle of the situation. This seems like the right thing to do doesn’t it? Actually, it was not helpful to anyone. Alice started pointing her finger at Brittany as if to demand that she stop making Sally cry. Alice was clearly playing two roles, Bossy Helper™ and Blaming Bully™. You see, by her jumping in to take care of Sally (who she saw as incapable of defending herself) she was playing Bossy Helper™. As soon as Alice began to shame and blame Brittany as the reason for Sally’s unhappiness, she was playing the Blaming Bully™. Brittany did not stop — in fact she now started to annoy Alice — moving Alice quickly to Helpless Baby™. Here is what happened next:
Alice: Mrs. Alvarez, Brittany is being really mean to Sally and has made her cry.
Me: Alice, I can see that you are very concerned about your friends unhappiness. You don’t want to see your friend cry do you?
Alice: No. I want Brittany to stop making her cry.
Me: Who’s business are you in right now sweetheart?
Alice: Sally’s?
Me: That’s right. You are in Sally’s and Brittany’s business.
Alice: But Sally can’t make Brittany listen to her. Sally doesn’t know how to stand up for herself.
Me: It does seem that way doesn’t it. But as long as Sally has someone like you to protect her and fight her battles for her, what will she learn? How will she ever learn how to take care of herself?
Alice: I guess she won’t ever be able to take care of herself.
Me: That’s right Alice. I’m so proud of you for your willingness to be so honest. Now, I’d like to call all three of you together so that we can take a look at this incident on The Happy Kid Mat™.
I began to work with all three girls, using The Happy Kid Mat™ to demonstrate how this entire incident moved around The Unhappy Kid Triangle™. I reminded the girls that there are no bad kids on the mat — only unhappy and happy kids.
Me: Sally, where are you on the mat right now?
Sally: Helpless Baby
Me: How are you feeling in Helpless Baby™?
Sally: Sad and upset, because I can’t make Brittany stop. She’s being so mean to me.
Me: So you feel powerless? Are you believing maybe that you don’t know how to take care of yourself?
Sally: Uh huh.
Me: And when you feel powerless how do you act?
Sally: I cry. I want someone to help me.
Me: You get ‘little’ and ‘small’ so that someone will notice how helpless you are, and then they will make it all better for you. Does this sound right?
Sally: Yes.
Me: So you get lots of help from your friends. But who else do you get attention from when you are acting little, small and helpless?
Sally: Blaming Bullies™?
Me: That’s right. As long as you believe you can’t take care of yourself you will attract Blaming Bullies™. Blaming Bullies™ are not bad kids, but they have a story just like you, and their story says that they are powerless which causes them to act in unhappy ways. Like picking on the poor Helpless Baby™ for instance. What could you have done differently that would move you from the Unhappy Kid Triangle™ up to a Happy Kid™?
Sally: When Brittany wanted to talk to me I could have told her that I would talk to her after class.
Me: And what if she didn’t listen?
Sally: I could raise my hand and ask if I could move my yoga mat to another spot in class.
Me: Way to go Sally! That is awesome. Do you see how this is how you are learning to take care of yourself?
Sally: Yes.
Me: Great job Sally. Go ahead and move yourself up to the Happy Kid Triangle™!
Me: Brittany, where are you on the mat right now?
Brittany: I guess I’m a Blaming Bully™.
Me: How are you feeling in Blaming Bully™ right now?
Brittany: I feel bad because I made Sally cry. I just wanted to get her attention and she wouldn’t listen to me.
Me: So when Sally didn’t listen you felt hurt and upset…you felt like a bad kid. And you wanted to get back at her because you thought that she was the one causing you to feel bad. Does that sound right?
Brittany: Yes.
Me: You turned into the Blaming Bully™ because you thought it would help you to feel better about yourself. But when you become the Blaming Bully™, where will you always end up?
Brittany: Helpless Baby™?
Me: That’s right, you will always end up in Helpless Baby™. As long as you bully, annoy, ignore boundaries, or tease someone else, you will always attract negative attention and experience the unhappy consequences that go with it. Do you see how it works?
Brittany: Yes.
Me: When you believe you are a bad kid you act in unhappy ways. When you act in unhappy ways you will attract unhappy attention (get in trouble, get lectured, be told how mean you are, etc.) from teachers and friends. And when you get in trouble, lectured or shamed, how do you feel?
Brittany: Like a bad kid.
Me: What have you just proven to yourself? What do you continue to prove to yourself every time you act in unhappy ways?
Brittany: That I am a bad kid.
Me: You are so precious Brittany. Thank you for being so honest with me and with yourself. What could you have done differently?
Brittany: I could have recognized that it wasn’t the time to talk. Instead of getting my feelings hurt, I could have thanked Sally for reminding me that it wasn’t the best time to talk.
Me: Awesome! You got it Brittany. I am so proud of you. Please move up to the Happy Kid Triangle™. Do you see how how your unhappy thinking, that you are a ‘bad kid’, is the actual cause of your unhappiness?
Brittany: Yes.
Me: Alice, where are you on the Unhappy Kid Triangle™ in this situation?
Alice: The Bossy Helper™.
Me: That’s right. We discussed this earlier didn’t we?
Alice: Yes.
Me: Do you see that when you jumped in to save Sally, you were only enforcing her belief that she needs someone to take care of things for her?
Alice: Yes.
Me: You decided that you had to protect Sally from the ‘big bad bully’ Brittany. How did you try to make Brittany stop ‘hurting’ your friend? Alice: I told her she was mean. I told her I was going to tell on her and that she would get in big trouble.
Me: I see. So you became the Blaming Bully™ to Brittany didn’t you?
Alice: Oh. I guess I did.
Me: Yes, you did. Please move from Bossy Helper™ to Blaming Bully™. So what happened next? Did Brittany stop or did she start annoying you too?
Alice: No she didn’t stop — she started getting in my face too.
Me: So where did you move on the triangle then?
Alice: Helpless Baby™?
Me: Sounds like it. And then from Helpless Baby™, you decided that you couldn’t take care of yourself or Sally. You believed that you needed someone to help you both. What happened next?
Alice: I came to tell you what was happening.
Me: And here we — learning how to take responsibility for ourselves! Alice I am so grateful for your hard work and for having such a caring heart. Now that you’ve learned more about the Unhappy Kid Triangle™, what would you have done differently? Alice: When I saw Sally crying I would have walked over to her mat to remind her that she knows how to take care of herself. I wouldn’t get in their business. I would not see Sally as being helpless. I would not see Brittany as being a bad kid.
Me: You rock Alice! Way to go girl! Please move up to the Happy Kid Triangle™.
I get to do this daily! I enjoy working with kids — to see the lightbulbs go off in their precious minds once they get it — once they understand who is in charge of their happiness!! I hope you have found this to be helpful.
Q: How long does it normally take to see improvement in my child?
A: "Of course, the answer to this question depends on the individual and how committed the family is in bringing these tools into their home..." Continue Reading
Q: How long does it normally take to see improvement in my child?
A: Of course, the answer to this question depends on the individual and how committed the family is in bringing these tools into their home. The more parents, family members, as well as school personnel support these principles, the faster you can expect to see positive change. Having said that, I want to add that it has not seemed to matter really what the situation is, or how destructive the behavior being addressed, the principles that the Reality Formula for Kids™ are based on simply work (in proportion to the present maturity level of the individuals involved)!
The principles are obvious and effective, so that everyone with whom we have shared the Happy Kid Tool Kit™ (ranging from those aged four and up all the way to senior adults) recognize them as being true, and applicable. Seeing how the principles presented in the Reality Formula™ apply to their own life situation, that awareness alone, can prompt a shift in seeing that changes everything for the better … and that’s BEFORE the principles of Reality have been committed to as tools for consciousness!
It is not unusual for children to go home after the first session with enough information to change a previous self-defeating reaction to a healthier response. We don’t guarantee that this will happen for you, or your child … but we know, for sure, that the power to transform both your own life and the life of your child for the better is totally possible using these tools.
Q: Would I need to send my kids to your location, or can your team come to our location?
A: "This work works best for children in a group or class setting, although it can be powerfully effective in individual sessions with a parent or professional trained in the Happy KidTool Kit™ as well..." Continue Reading
Q: Would I need to send my kids to your location, or can your team come to our location??
A: This work works best for children in a group or class setting, although it can be powerfully effective in individual sessions with a parent or professional trained in the Happy KidTool Kit™ as well. There’s a powerful transformation that often happens when children watch other children share their experiences and explore where they are on the Happy Kid Mat™. Seeing other kids benefit from this work lends credence and confidence to those who might be less inclined to share out loud. Children are very honest with one another, and that’s a great support for sharing the details of the Happy Kid Tool Kit™.
Q: How does your model prepare/train teachers and guidance counselors to effectively deal with bullying and Helpless Baby dynamics in the classroom? Do parents benefit from this training too?
A: "One of the wonderful offerings of the Happy Kid Mat™, is the way the process handles those who bully..." Continue Reading
Q: How does your model prepare/train teachers and guidance counselors to effectively deal with bullying and Helpless Baby dynamics in the classroom? Do parents benefit from this training too?
A: One of the wonderful offerings of the Happy Kid Mat™, is the way the process handles those who bully. The Happy Kid Tool Kit teaches that there are no bad kids on the Unhappy Kid Triangle™, only confused kids, who believe they have to interact in particularly, often painful, and unhealthy, ways in order to stay safe and in control.
We do not shame kids for bullying behavior. We have not noticed that making kids feel worse, helps them do better. Change cannot occur until a child feels safe enough to allow it. What we do instead, using the Happy Kid Mat™, is to simply explore with the aggressor child what sequence of events follows an act of bullying.
We help bullying kids notice how they too get propelled around the Unhappy Kid Triangle™; they don’t simply stay the bully-in-charge, but move instead from one unhappy role to another, until they too end up as a victim, Helpless Baby™. This is awesome awareness for a kid who has been convinced that bullying keeps him/her safe. Suddenly they see it does NOT keep them safe at all! Our goal is to help those kids explore, and choose, healthier ways of interacting towards themselves, as well as towards others.
What most bullies really want to ask is, “What can you offer me that works any better than what I do already?” For years, we could only offer words, that like sweet pablum, sounded okay, but really were no help at all. Feeling totally powerless over the bullies in our midst, we offer words and throw impossible consequences at them, hoping to at least get their attention. We tell them how bad it is to bully, that it’s wrong, and makes us mean people who are not nice, or kind, and we tell them how they hurt people, etc. In other words, we resort to shaming (bullying) the bullies, thinking we can shove them into right behavior. But, as many of us have noticed, that approach simply does not work.
But now, perhaps for the first time, we CAN show these hurting youngsters something that works better for them. We can show them on the Happy Kid Mat™ for instance, about how playing the bully role lands us in the helpless baby role every time! It’s a fact, all bullies, no matter how big or bad, end up as victims in the end.
We then introduce them to alternative ways of interacting that produce the feelings they, like the rest of us humans, really want; most of us simply want to feel safe, powerful, and valid. Bullies are no dummies. They, like all of us, want to feel better. We can show them how to get there, and, don’t be surprised, if your worse bullies don’t end up, through this model, to become your most respected leaders.
Q: Do you offer training programs for adults?
A: "Yes, as I mentioned earlier, the Happy Kid Tool-Kit™ is for every one, regardless of their age or what their situation might be, and if you’re someone who wants to teach it, then the best way to do that is to come through the basic workshops that teach how to apply these principles to our own lives..." Continue Reading
Q: Do you offer training programs for adults?
A: Yes, as I mentioned earlier, the Happy Kid Tool-Kit™ is for every one, regardless of their age or what their situation might be, and if you’re someone who wants to teach it, then the best way to do that is to come through the basic workshops that teach how to apply these principles to our own lives.
I started out doing this work with adults only, and I offer a series of workshop training opportunities for adults www.lynneforrest.com/events, that includes limited options for parents who want to bring their children (ages 4 – 12) to participate in their own, separate, Happy Kid Camp (there are times when we teach both children and adults together). These workshops are offered at Forest Haven, our small mountain retreat, several times a year.
These intensive personal growth opportunities are designed to take our participants through a process of recognizing what their own unhappy beliefs are and discovering ways of intervening on them in ways that bring inner peace, and harmonious relationship with others, using the Reality Mat™ as a primary tool for accomplishing that mission.
After many years of specializing in these intensives for personal growth towards befriending Reality, we’ve turned our attention to passing these same principles for peace on to our children. The results have been astounding, but don’t take my word for it, come see for yourself! You will witness the principles in action when you attend any of these trainings, where the principles are applied in our work with the families who participate.
We have found that the teachers and health care professionals who attend these trainings go home with a deeper, experientially based understanding of how there principles apply to their own life, as well as to the lives of those they work with. Many of them have shared huge shifts in themselves and in all of their relationships, at home, as well as at work.
It is well-known that teaching others using examples from our own life greatly enhances the teaching. We encourage adults to do this work for themselves, and to share with the kids and families they work with appropriate examples from their own experience of getting on and off of the Unhappy Kid Triangle™. Expect spectacular results!
Q: I am interested in sharing this with my school, is it a presentation you give or a long term program?
A: "The Happy Kid Project is a short term program with opportunities for continued education workshops and trainings throughout the year..." Continue Reading
Q: I am interested in sharing this with my school, is it a presentation you give or a long term program?
A: The Happy Kid Project is a short term program with opportunities for continued education workshops and trainings throughout the year. The HKP is a three day training workshop. This workshop can be brought into your school where we will work with the entire faculty and staff. This workshop can also be attended at one of our HKP training workshops (twice annually) that take place at Forest Haven Retreat in Monteagle, Tennessee. We are open to any special requests that you might have in bringing our program to you. Here is a link to our program brochure for more details. To discuss options for your family, school or professional office, please contact Danielle Alvarez at danielle@realityformula.com.
Q: What is the cost for your program?
A: The cost for our program varies based on the size of the group we will be training. For more information please contact Danielle Alvarez at danielle@realityformula.com.
